LEECHing LINTA

By My  High Blood-Self

11-12-11 6:02PM

Linta ka ba?

Bakit?

Sipsip ka kasi.

Pwede bang magtanong? Ano ang pakiramdam mo ng mabasa mo ang banat sa taas? Kung wala lang, congrats! hindi ka siguro linta. Pero kung nasaktan ka, sapol! Ikaw na!

Ako high-blood.In fact, bad trip. May trauma kasi ako sa mga linta (both yung animal at nag-aasal animal), kaya naisip kong manabon sa pamamagitan ng article na ito.Takot kasi ang linta sa sabon.

Ano nga ba ang linta at bakit ako bwisit na bwisit ?

Ang linta ay maliliit na hayop na parang uod na nakatira sa tubig. Nabubuhay sila sa pamamagitan ng pagkapit sa ibang hayop at pagsipsip ng dugo nito. Masakit at nakakatakot na makagat ka nila. Nakagat na ako at masasabi kong nakakatrauma. Mula noon hindi na ako lumulusong  sa mga tubig na medyo malalabo at hindi umaagos. Madalas doon kasi sila nakatira.

Ang katangian ng linta na sumipsip ay ginagamit na ngayon sa tao.

Ito yung mga taong wala ata sa diksyunaryo nila ang salitang HIYA. Sila yung malakas kay boss, kaya sa linya nila lagi na atang nakasunod ang salitang ‘boss’, sample;  “sabi ni boss, pinapagawa ni boss, pinapamadali ni boss etc.”

Pero bago pa nila maging malakas ki boss may mga dakilang steps muna silang gagawin.

Una, Dakilang Tagasumbong. Tila CCTV sila sa pagmanman sa lahat ng kilos mo nang mahanapan ka ng mali na maisusumbong kay Boss.

Ikalawa , Dakilang Mapagbigay. Generous naman talaga siyang tao kaya lang pagdating ki boss eh ‘over’ naman ata sa pagka-generous kasi lagi siyang may regalo sa lahat ata ng naimbentong okasyon sa mundo. Mantakin mo ha, pati Independence Day!

Ikatlo, Dakilang ‘Plastic’. Lagi silang nakangiti, friendly at super bait na parang angel na i-si-shhhhh ka kapag nag-over ang volume ng boses mo sa one kapag andyan si Boss. Pero kapag wala naman si boss siya yung 3WPS (words per second) ang bilis sa pagsasalita na nasa 100% volume pa ata. Usually, puro tsismis lang.

Ikaapat, Dakilang Kalabaw. Sobra sobrang workload ang makikita mo sa kanyang mesa lalo na kapag malapit na ang uwian. Ang resulta mag-o-overtime siya (with pay ha) obcourse kasama ni boss libre na ang dinner, makakapagpakitang gilas pa siya. Ang hindi alam ni boss, wala naman talaga siyang ginawa maghapon kaya tambak ang trabaho niya sa mesa.

Ika-lima, Dakilang Guardian Angel (Devil). Lagi siyang nakabuntot ki boss sa lahat ng lakad nito para umalalay. Linya niya yung “may kailangan ba kayo boss?”

At ang pinakahuli at pinakadakilang step sa lahat, Dakilang Matsing. Bukod kasi sa natural na sa kanila ang manlamang ay matatalino din sila lalo na kapag kaharap ni boss. Kahit di nila gawa ay aankinin kapag nagandahan si boss pero kapag napangitan naman eh linya niya yung  “eh si ____  lang po ay may gawa niyan. Sabi ko naman kasi pangit etc.”

Oh ano may mga tao ka bang kilala na asal ganito? Ako, sa humigit kumulang na dalawamput apat na taon ko dito sa mundo marami na. Nung nag-aaral pa ako pinapalampas ko lang. Pakiramdam ko kasi eh hindi naman ako masyadong apektado. Kapag nag-aral ka ng mabuti hindi ka ibabagsak ni Teacher kahit paborito pa niya si Leech. Hindi madadaya ang grades mo. Pero ngayong nagtatrabaho na ako iba na ang kalakaran. Kahit na magkayod kalabaw ka, sila pa rin ang nauunang umakyat sa posisyon at magmamando sayo (sabagay dun sila magaling). Kaya dumating ako sa puntong gusto ko nang sumabog. Kaya lang nakaka-walang dignidad naman kung hahamunin ko sila ng bugbugan o balitaktakan. Nakakalungkot man kasing isipin, ang ilan sa kanila ay kaibigan ko. Ang ilan ay unaware, ang ilan ay aware at tila proud pa. Ang mas nakakalungkot pa wala akong lakas na komprontahin sila. Baka kasi mamis-interpret ako. Ayaw ko makasakit. Mahal ko sila. Kaya minarapat kong iparating na lamang ang aking saloobin sa pamamagitan ng paglikha ng artikulong ito, baka sakaling mabasa. At malay ko, pagkatapos nito in good mood na ulit ako. Ganito kasi ako, hindi palasalita kaya stress-reliever ko ang pag-sulat. Bukod kasi sa narerelax ako, malayo pa sa away at gulo. Hihintayin ko na lang na marinig ng langit ang aking hinaing.

Pero a piece of unsolicited advice lang ‘pre:

Kung hindi ka asal linta (palakpakan) humahanga ako sayo. Ipagpatuloy mo yan. Darating ang araw na makikita ang iyong pagsisikap at magtatagumpay ka. Tagumpay na hindi kinukwestyon at iginagalang ng lahat.

Kung isa kang asal linta, utang na loob, may panahon pang magbago. Huwag mo ng hintayin na makarating sa langit ang hinaing ng mga taong aba. Mas masarap namnamin ang tagumpay kung walang mga taong naapakan mo ang  sinusumpa ang iyong pagkatao.

At higit sa lahat kung isa kang BOSS, Sir/Ma’am huwag niyo ng i-enteratin ang mga leeches. They are parasites at kapag sila ang pinapamuno niyo, isang araw baka malugi ang negosyo dahil hindi naman pala sila karapat-dapat sa posisyong ibinigay niyo.

Hanggang dito na lang siguro.

Salamat, magaling na ako.

ENIGMA (I Choose the Latter)

05-02-09

"I let go not because I lose hope that you'll love me back

but because of the fear that if I'll not, I'll continue to fall flat

and forget that my brain is still superior than my heart."

What will you do if you knew that you’re falling for someone but ironically that someone is in love with someone else? Will you fight your love for him? Will you play the game for a chance to be happy? Or will you just simply...let him go?

I CHOOSE THE LATTER.

I can still remember the first time i saw him. I was nearsighted then that i can't see him clearly. Then our distance became so closed that I could not even breathe near him.
His not the answer to; "What I like in a guy?" We're not close. We seldom talk. I was confused. I questioned myself...then assumed. But I had gone tired, so I tried PRETENDING. I pretend his not around. I've tried to FORGET. I'VE LIED. I'VE CHEATED MYSELF.

Then I started a fight within me, and it end up in a WAR BETWEEN MY HEART AND BRAIN. And as my brain struggle to win, my heart is slowly bleeding in pain.
We ignore ourselves. We have built a very tall wall between us and no one made the first step to even, if not destroy, just lower it. Literally, ours is a drama of: "so near yet so far". His only meters grabbable, only steps from me, but he seems so far---unreachable.

I know he has a girlfriend and their relationship is a strong one- tested by time. But it never discourages me to pursue the fight. I continue the battle until I came to the point where I have to choose.

How can you fight a war that is lost from the start?
Will you be happy to win the game but the prize is pain?
How can your love still be true if you’re cheating yourself?
Will you keep someone who is not yours and can never be yours?
How can you bear the pain of loving someone already in love with someone else?
And as I've weighed the answers...
I CHOOSE THE LATTER.

MASQUERADE

02-24-2009

Some things are just not meant to be.

Let alone for this moment there is just me and you in this beautiful garden. We are lying in the newly trimmed Bermuda grass, staring at the stars, smelling the mixed scent of roses and orchids, while a soft-music is playing in the background. Then completing the scene, through the light of fireflies, you asked me to dance.

We dance slowly. We talk of almost about everything. Then, we laugh as if there is no space in this world for sorrow. Our eyes sparkle with so much love.

I for myself cannot believe that this is happening for I can still remember the night when I confess how much I love you.
"Your my friend, just that!" you said, then you leave.
I said sorry then tried to forget you.

But fate gambles and our path again cross, right in this garden. As you handed three roses you said, "The moment i saw them, I can't help but to think of you."

Then you said:
"Let alone for this moment there is just me and you in this beautiful garden. We are lying in the newly trimmed Bermuda grass, staring at the stars, smelling the mixed scent of roses and orchids, while a soft-music is playing in the background. Then completing the scene, through the light of fireflies, I asked you to dance."

THEY dance slowly. THEY talk of almost about everything. THEY laugh as if there is no space in this world for sorrow. THEIR eyes sparkle with so much love.
Hiding on the bushes, I stare at the moon shining on us. "Ah pretentious little thing...full of deceits!!! You seem to glow on your own, but in fact, it’s the reflection of the water which is strike by the sun that emits your light!"

As I turn back and watch them continue dancing, I said to myself; “I’m like the moon---a great pretender". But as long as no one find out of this pretense. As long as I can still mask the pain...I'll pursue of this masquerade.

But as morning comes, in the first strike of sunlight, on bended knees you said; "Will you marry me?”  
The world seems to stop...the music faded... and obliviously, along with the first drop of tears from my eyes...my mask falls to the ground.

OPTIMISM TO LIFE

12-05-08 12:15AM

"OPTIMISM is like a  STAR in the dark sky..It gives light…

It gives hope that a wish will come true...

It changes the  mood...

It makes a better view."

My life is a kaleidoscope tale of endless struggles that sometimes I think of quitting. But,
...as i look at the stars twinkling in perfect harmony, forming wonderful constellations during my darkest nights.
...as the sun showcase its strength and shine after a very heavy rain                     
  ...as the cold morning dew touched my pallid skin after what seems to be a never-ending night
...as strangers greet me with smiles whenever I'm in solitude
 ...or when wild flowers bloom and trees grow on barren lands
  ...when the refreshing wind blows when the sun is at its zenith
           
  ...when a father welcomes home his prodigal son
            ...when nan OFW comeback an says, " I'll never leave again."
                          ...when enemies become friends
...when the boasts humble themselves
                                        
 ...when playgirl meets playboy and in unison says, "I finally find home!"
...when victims find justice
                         ...when acquaintances bid goodbyes and say hellos!
 ...when my friends “treat me!" and treat me kindly
            ...when he smiles at me and say, Hi, how are you?"
         
 ...when grandma kiss me and say "take care!"
...when grandpa crack jokes when things get serious
                   ...when mama ask, have you eat?
                            ...when I saw papa's regretful eyes after a hard fight with mama ...when kuya texted; "Good luck, I'll pray for your success!"
                                               ..When ate says: "I believe you can do it sis!"                                                             
...and most of all, when I see CHRIST COMFORTING IMAGE, welcoming me home after a self-degrading and depressing day, I remember how much GOD LOVE me.
From then on, I pursue life,
                           for in them I SEE HOPE,
                                    and IN THEM I FIND REASONS TO LIVE!

I LOVE YOU, GOODBYE

 

04-02-2008

“Sometimes I love you means goodbye.”-I Love You Goodbye (Pilipino Movie)

It’s been some time since I knew you, and or a short while; I fall in love with you.

You’re not every woman’s dream. You’re not perfect, but does love need perfections?

You never know how I feel. How difficult it is to fight this feeling. How painful it is that every time I want to get you out of my heart…my mind…and my life, I’m drowning in the abyss of love even more.

I’ve been so close to you then, so close the distance that all I have to do is grab you and make you mine. But your heart is miles away, beating with someone else’s heart. So I have no choice but to just--let go.

I’m giving up. As I make a point in this piece, I will forget you.

Giving up does not mean that I don’t love you anymore, I do, it’s just that I can’t bear the pain much more. It’s hard to breathe and continue writing…just like now, thinking that I should give up a fight I never fought. It’s like cutting your throat for a suicide…prolonging the agony…stopping the beat of your heart to cease the pain.

Once, I saw you cry, cry because you broke up with her. I’m so happy then. How ironic my love for you is? I should not have seen when you gave her roses, because as you do, you offering me their thorns.

When you smile and laugh with her, you’re making my day gloomy.

As you offer your shoulder to her, my pillows are wet in tears.

When you’re with her, I’m here alone.

 And as you love her, I am here, loving you.

So, I must bid goodbye for now, even if it is taking my breath away. I’m leaving perhaps away from you forever.

I know that giving it up will open me to a lot of opportunities. It’s a way to grow and continue life. A fall to rise and start a new beginning. Yeah I’ll leave but I’ll leave bearing the hope that someone will love me back the way I had loved you…

I love you. Goodbye.

ROOFTOP

Written in mind 03-28-2008

Written in paper 04-02-2008 4:02PM

“At some point in your life, you’ll realize that you have done so much for someone already that the only next possible step is to let go.”

Hi STAIRS thanks for making my way easy

To the rooftop my fave place where I keep myself busy.

Here I paint. I write. I become care free

And at night time cry, out of self-pity.

Hi ROOFTOP I’m here again how do you do?

It’s been a while since I ran away from you.

I know you know why I have to go,

It’s about someone you know who.

Hi CLOUDS thanks for blocking the sky

You are like him; I can’t reach, so high!

For three years, I keep passing by

But he never gave me smile, or just lend a hi!

Hi MYSELF have you gone tired?

Why not tell him, forget what’ll happen; at least you’ve tried,

Ah! But no! It’s hard

It’s not as easy as playing my cards.

So bye now rooftop, I have to leave again,

Coz you see?!  I can’t bear a lot more pain,

Seeing him with her, I know my love is in vain,

And continuing loving him is a tiresome fighting.

IN LIEU OF LOVE

10-31-2007 7:06PM

“Love is the manipulation of emotion to control the mind.”-Seducing Mr. Perfect (Korean Movie)

It’s sad to end up such a happy feeling but I must!

Stars from afar are luring me

Shimmers of gold from distant lands excites me,

And he? He’s just a he.

It’s not the right time to think selfishly

There’s a long journey to travel, dreams to fulfill,

Dreams that does not include him yet…

Not yet…

I just want to be, what I want to be—to be successful.

I want to succeed even if it means loneliness,

Even if it means …losing you first.

Yet, I know it won’t take long and our path will again cross,

But if the color will not be the same,

And the light that once glow in us already faded,

I hope I’ll not regret that I choose to succeed in lieu of your love.

To you,

I thank God for the chance of meeting you. It must have been love…but the sun had just risen.

Tomorrow is full of uncertainty; I refuse to take the risk. I’m sorry…maybe someday.